PhD discovers correlation between Penis Size and GDP - Jungle Fever lead to Low Productivity

From lower to the higher next,

Not to the top, is Nature’s text;

And embryo Good, to reach its stature,

Absorbs the evil in its nature.

J.R. Lowell, Festina Lente: Moral

Looks like today, I may be headed into a firestorm of controversy with yet another controversial post on my personal blog. This time it is not about the Internet “fostering stupidity” as asserted by famed author Nicholas Carr as penned in my blog article entitled “Telecom Providers, Bloggers and the Media - Robin Hood, Men in Tights”.

Neither is it the research of Colombia University Psychologist Dr. Betsy Sparrow that asserts that we are using Google and the Internet are most people’s first point of research to augment our memories, remembering where the information is as opposed to the information itself as stated in my blog article entitled “Columbia U says Google erodes Memory - Johnny Mnemonic The Computer wore Tennis Shoes”.

Oh no, this is waaaay more controversial!

It is the recently release study from the Helsinki Center of Economic Research (HECER) which has made a stunning discovery: there is a strong correlation between average male penis size and the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of the countries in which the males reside as stated in the article “The penis factor - Wacky economics or does size really matter?”, published Sunday, July 24, 2011 By Julian Richardson Assistant Business Co-ordinator, The Jamaica Observer.

Made for great Sunday Observer reading on Sunday July 31^st 2011AD, I assure you! Nice Cartoon too!

The researcher, a Dr. Tatu Westling of the University of Helsinki, made his findings public based on a sub-sample of seventy six (76) non-oil producing countries Economic Data and medical Data Records on the size of male genitalia between 1960 and 1985. Why he did not go the full hog of all one hundred and twenty one (121) is another matter of debate, but his correlation is impressive, establishing an inverse relationship between average male penis length and the GDP of the countries in which the males reside.

Put another way, the smaller the average male penis length, the greater that countries GDP. Judge for yourself from Dr. Tatu Westing statistics laden comments, quote: “The GDP maximising size is around 13.5 centimeters (5.3 inches), and a collapse in economic development is identified as the size of male organ exceeds 16 centimeters (6.3 inches)”.

Light please!

Here are the statistics that may be the source of much discontent since this paper was published:

1.      Average penile length for the study period between 1960 and 1985 was 14.5 centimeters (5.7 inches)

2.      Norway's average penile length is 14.34 centimeters (5.6 inches) and their GDP per capita in 1985 was US$19,723 in 1985

3.      Zaire [now Democratic Republic of Congo]average penile length is 17.93 centimeters (7 inches) and their GDP per capita in 1985 was US$412

4.      Jamaica's average penile length is 16.5 cm (6.5 inches) and our GDP per capita in 1985 was US$3,080

Even the Researcher Dr. Tatu Westing, in defending his statistical review paper, was at pains to point this out, stating that the statistics on penis length were gleaned from medical records available in the review period between 1960 and 1985.

The review period is a tad suspicious, which Dr. Tatu Westing explanation seems a tad flimsy but I love his statistical correlation, as I always suspected there was a connection, even if it is not solid. Also, I love the odd-ball correlation that is a mashup of Biology and Economics, which in and of itself is very rare.

As usual, the good Dr. Tatu Westing speaks of his research better than I ever can, quote: “Unit centimeter increase in its physical dimension is found to reduce GDP growth by five to seven per cent between 1960 and 1985. Furthermore, quite remarkable is the [finding] that male organ alone can explain 20 per cent of the between-country variation in GDP growth rates between 1960 and 1985. Regarding the relative importance of political institutions in shaping economic development, it seems that male organ is more strongly associated with GDP growth than country's political regime type.”

In fact, penile length was an often source of argument between myself and my Seventh Day Adventist Girlfriend, Audia Granston, a NCTVET Certified Cosmetologist, based on discussion with her clientele while she did their hair, as it was her asserting that men with bigger penises were less intelligent!

Since GDP relates to economic activity, more evident in countries with a strong Science and Technology emphasis and a love for technology i.e. gadgets, his correlation sounds plausible. Especially in light of the anecdotal information as it relates to Asians, who are not as sexually active or expressive as their Western counterparts and are great admirers and builders of technology and have thriving economies.

Dr. Tatu Westing gives this example, quote: “If France with its average size of 16.1 centimeters (6.3 inches) had male organs on par with United Kingdom's 13.9 centimeters (5.5 inches), French GDP would have ceteris paribus expanded by around 15 per cent more between

1960 and 1985.”

But what is the relationship really?

Is it that more intelligent societies initially have smaller penises? Or is it that financial success results in males evolving over time to develop smaller penises due to lower emphasis on sexual reproduction?

Again the proffered explanation by Dr. Tatu Westing in defending his work via mathematical models seems to favour the latter view. Apparently countries with less leisure time [time to play] have a lower libido over time [reflected in birth rates], evolution would predispose such work oriented societies to be more productive and hence have higher GDP’s.

Japan readily come to mind as an example of this. Japan has a relatively high GDP country is a ready know example, which has very hard working population and a love for all things technological as well as the maker of components for gadgets worldwide as indicated in my Geezam blog article entitled “Japan Nuclear Disaster – Implications for Jamaica and the Consumer Electronics World”

Their low birth rate, which manifests itself in the form of a rapidly ageing population, is a well known and documented problem for this First World country, searchable via Google, where libido and young people interest in getting married and starting a family is a possible result of their Economic success!

Ditto too for most of the other Asian Countries.

Whether or not this translates to shorter penile length, is a source of debate, as Dr. Tatu Westing is a correlation, and provides no biological explanation for the trend.

Chicken vs the Egg quandary!

Whether all this research is true or not, I dare not say, as unlike her Audia or her clients, I have not lived a lifestyle where I got to “sample” so many different men from different  racial backgrounds, being as I am a heterosexual and have NO (not the emphasis!!) interest at peeking at males in the nude.

But truth be told, Jamaica does have a low relative GDP, high relative birth rate and a debt-ridden Government now currently being propped up by the IMF (International Monetary Fund).

In the interest of Science and Debate, perhaps what is needed is a more modern statistical review, accounting for out time period i.e. from 1985 to 2010. And to add a more controversial spin, let’s do one for women as well: correlation between their sexual genitalia and average GDP, as the majority of the world populations is female, Jungle Fever (1991) Style!

Thoughts to ponder as you research this on Google and you brain rots further……