My Thoughts on Technology and Jamaica: How to save your relationship by Deleting Browser History for Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome or Apple’s Safari

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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

How to save your relationship by Deleting Browser History for Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome or Apple’s Safari

Cheating boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses, this one is for you as this is a matter of Life or Death!

Worried that your amorous trysts online may soon come to light because of your Browser? If you didn’t realize that your Browser records EVERY SINGLE WEBSITE YOU VISIT, then your alarms in your smartphone should now go into “Bun” Alert, as your partner can find out!

So what can you do to remove the records of your visiting a porn website or sending messages to your “girl on the side” from your Desktop or Laptop computer? If hiding the password from him or her isn’t working, then you need to pretend to trust them by giving them access…..AFTER you’ve erased the Browser History, thereby preventing anyone from ever find out what you’ve been up to.

This procedure is a lot like removing Malware that’s re-routing traffic on your Browser to a certain website as explained in my Geezam blog article entitled “Change the Default Search Engine of any Browser when Malware is on your Computer”. Except this time, it’s more like erasing footprints in the sand on the beach…..leading away from the Beach as well as from your toes, and clothes and…um….elsewhere, as that “sand” in your toes is a dead giveaway that you were at the “Beach”…. if you know what I mean.

So dear reader just follow these simple steps and it will help to permanently erase your browsing History on any Browser as stated in How to Delete Your Browser History”, published Dec 20, 2011 5:31 PM By Jonathan Wylie, PCWorld, be it Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome or Apple’s Safari (‘cause I use THAT Browser a lot too).

But before we begin, a necessary part of executing this procedure is a pack of Excelsior Snackers Biscuits slathered proper with Eve Guava Jelly.

Internet Explorer – Because that what you were doing but Wifey doesn’t need to know that

Internet Explorer is a very popular little Browser, being as it’s the default Browser on most Microsoft Windows Computers. Thus if you erasing your Browser History, make sure you erase it from this Browser first!

To do so, open Internet Explorer and then click Ctrl-Shift-Delete keys simultaneously. You should get a Command Box with check Boxes to select exactly what you wanna delete as shown below.

Note: this is a permanent deletion of everything! Unlike your other Browsers, Internet Explorer History Erasure options aren’t as granular and thus you’ll have to re-enter your password and everything all over again. But unless you can dodge bullets or take a knife stab while asleep, I recommend that you could do without the convenience of not entering passwords or having forms filled out automatically for awhile.

Take a fistful of Excelsior Snackers out of the Bag slathered proper with Eve Guava Jelly after every use of Internet Explorer and Call me in the Morning. Go my Son and sin no more until Carnival Time comes around!

Mozilla Firefox – Catch that wily Panda and lock him in a Box

The procedure to catch the Red Panda – as the Firefox logo is that animal – is fairly simple. First, open the Mozilla Firefox Browser and press Ctrl-Shift-Delete. You’ll see a Command Box pop up with a drop-down menu that allows you to select how far back you want to erase your tracks.

I recommend just erase, like, everything…ok!

Warning: This action cannot be undone, so use with care. Take two bites out of the Excelsior Snackers well coated proper with Eve Guava Jelly and look over your shoulder and make sure nobody saw you doing this! Restart the Mozilla Firefox Browser and go forth my Son, and sin no more until it’s time for Reggae Sunfest!

Google Chrome – Clean out the Sand off the Wheels and clear your windscreen

Google Chrome presents little or no challenge whatsoever. Again, the same shortcut code will do the trick for Google Chrome. With Google Chrome loaded and opened to a blank page on the screen press Ctrl-Shift-Delete.

Google Chrome will present you with access to the specific Settings Tab with the following Command Box and Drop-down menu to select how far back you want to delete your History.

Again caution! Like, Duh-uh, these are irreversible changes which are, like, irreversible. But once you select “Clear Browsing Data” your Sins will be washed white as snow and best of all nobody has to know. Restart Google Chrome and take two more bites out of the Excelsior Snackers coated thick Eve Guava Jelly and call your mistress in the Morning!

Apple’s Safari – Don’t let your Wild side be exposed in the Hunt

Safari is the odd Browser out. No shortcuts here; you have to put your right-hand on your mouse and use left-hand to clutch and fondle your crucifix dangling around your neck. Then while praying that your lover doesn’t find out, move the mouse with your right hand and follow the few simple clicks:

  1. Open Apple Safari Browser
  2. Click the Gear icon in the upper-right corner
  3. Select Reset Safari
  4. Check the items that you want to in the Command Button
  5. Press Reset button to purge your data

Once erased, your data cannot be retrieved, dear Apple Fanboy! Just restart the Browser, say two Hail Mary’s, and then silently grinning, munch on another handful of Excelsior Snacker Crackers while making sure you’ve got them covered in Eve Guava Jelly!

Then go thy way and be at Peace in the name of the Operating System, the Browsers and the Holy Social Network Posts …..which you’ll have to erase yourself!

All Browsers Clear the cupboard stocked with Excelsior Snackers and a bottle of Guava Jelly

Now with all your Browsers cleared, you can go back your riotous living, making sure to erase your steps every time you give your loved one some Bun before it’s Easter using any of the above four (4) Browser. Preferably, if two or all of the Browsers featured in this article just happen to be installed on your computer, just make sure to erase the History for all of them...like stat!

If you’re worried that she’ll still find out, you can use CCleaner and basically it’ll clean everything and in the process put you on the right path to making you Laptop run Faster as explained in my helpful how-to as detailed in my Geezam blog article entitled Tips and Tricks on how to make your computer run faster.

Finally, make sure to finish the bag of Excelsior Snackers and order more to finish off that jar of Guava Jelly. If you love giving your significant other Bun a lot and getting sand in your shoes…if you know what I mean…..you’ll need to stock for the next time you need to clear your Browser History. Otherwise, if caught, you won’t be at peace but you’ll be Resting in Peace!
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