Cheating
boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses, this one is for you as this is a matter of
Life or Death!
Worried
that your amorous trysts online may soon come to light because of your Browser?
If you didn’t realize that your Browser records EVERY SINGLE WEBSITE YOU VISIT,
then your alarms in your smartphone should now go into “Bun” Alert, as your
partner can find out!
So
what can you do to remove the records of your visiting a porn website or
sending messages to your “girl on the side” from your Desktop or Laptop
computer? If hiding the password from him or her isn’t working, then you need
to pretend to trust them by giving them access…..AFTER you’ve erased the Browser
History, thereby preventing anyone from ever find out what you’ve been up to.
This
procedure is a lot like removing Malware that’s re-routing traffic on your Browser
to a certain website as explained in my Geezam
blog article entitled “Change
the Default Search Engine of any Browser when Malware is on your Computer”.
Except this time, it’s more like erasing footprints in the sand on the
beach…..leading away from the Beach as well as from your toes, and clothes
and…um….elsewhere, as that “sand” in your toes is a dead giveaway that you were
at the “Beach”…. if you know what I mean.
So
dear reader just follow these simple steps and it will help to permanently
erase your browsing History on any Browser as stated in “How
to Delete Your Browser History”, published Dec 20, 2011 5:31 PM By Jonathan
Wylie, PCWorld, be it Internet Explorer, Mozilla
Firefox, Google Chrome or Apple’s Safari (‘cause I use THAT Browser a lot too).
But
before we begin, a necessary part of executing this procedure is a pack of
Excelsior Snackers Biscuits slathered proper with Eve Guava Jelly.
Internet Explorer –
Because that what you were doing but Wifey doesn’t need to know that
Internet
Explorer is a very popular little Browser, being as it’s the default Browser on
most Microsoft Windows Computers. Thus if you erasing your Browser History,
make sure you erase it from this Browser
first!
To
do so, open Internet Explorer and
then click Ctrl-Shift-Delete keys simultaneously.
You should get a Command Box with check Boxes to select exactly what you wanna
delete as shown below.
Note:
this is a permanent deletion of everything! Unlike your other Browsers, Internet
Explorer History Erasure options aren’t as granular and thus you’ll have to
re-enter your password and everything all over again. But unless you can dodge
bullets or take a knife stab while asleep, I recommend that you could do
without the convenience of not entering passwords or having forms filled out
automatically for awhile.
Take
a fistful of Excelsior Snackers out of the Bag slathered proper with Eve Guava
Jelly after every use of Internet Explorer and Call me in the Morning. Go my Son
and sin no more until Carnival Time comes around!
Mozilla Firefox – Catch
that wily Panda and lock him in a Box
The
procedure to catch the Red Panda – as the Firefox logo is that animal – is
fairly simple. First, open the Mozilla
Firefox Browser and press Ctrl-Shift-Delete.
You’ll see a Command Box pop up with a drop-down menu that allows you to select
how far back you want to erase your tracks.
I
recommend just erase, like, everything…ok!
Warning:
This action cannot be undone, so use with care. Take two bites out of the
Excelsior Snackers well coated proper with Eve Guava Jelly and look over your
shoulder and make sure nobody saw you doing this! Restart the Mozilla Firefox Browser
and go forth my Son, and sin no more until it’s time for Reggae Sunfest!
Google Chrome – Clean
out the Sand off the Wheels and clear your windscreen
Google
Chrome presents little or no challenge whatsoever. Again, the same shortcut
code will do the trick for Google Chrome. With Google Chrome loaded and opened
to a blank page on the screen press Ctrl-Shift-Delete.
Google
Chrome will present you with access to the specific Settings Tab with the following Command Box and Drop-down menu to
select how far back you want to delete your History.
Again
caution! Like, Duh-uh, these are irreversible changes which are, like,
irreversible. But once you select “Clear
Browsing Data” your Sins will be washed white as snow and best of all
nobody has to know. Restart Google Chrome and take two more bites out of the
Excelsior Snackers coated thick Eve Guava Jelly and call your mistress in the
Morning!
Apple’s Safari – Don’t
let your Wild side be exposed in the Hunt
Safari
is the odd Browser out. No shortcuts here; you have to put your right-hand on
your mouse and use left-hand to clutch and fondle your crucifix dangling around
your neck. Then while praying that your lover doesn’t find out, move the mouse
with your right hand and follow the few simple clicks:
- Open Apple Safari Browser
- Click the Gear icon in the upper-right corner
- Select Reset Safari
- Check the items that you want
to in the Command Button
- Press Reset button to purge your data
Once
erased, your data cannot be retrieved, dear Apple Fanboy! Just restart the Browser,
say two Hail Mary’s, and then silently grinning, munch on another handful of
Excelsior Snacker Crackers while making sure you’ve got them covered in Eve
Guava Jelly!
Then
go thy way and be at Peace in the name of the Operating System, the Browsers
and the Holy Social Network Posts …..which you’ll have to erase yourself!
All Browsers Clear the
cupboard stocked with Excelsior Snackers and a bottle of Guava Jelly
Now
with all your Browsers cleared, you can go back your riotous living, making
sure to erase your steps every time you give your loved one some Bun before
it’s Easter using any of the above four (4) Browser. Preferably, if two or all
of the Browsers featured in this article just happen to be installed on your
computer, just make sure to erase the History for all of them...like stat!
If
you’re worried that she’ll still find out, you can use CCleaner and basically
it’ll clean everything and in the process put you on the right path to making
you Laptop run Faster as explained in my helpful how-to as detailed in my Geezam blog article entitled Tips
and Tricks on how to make your computer run faster.
Finally,
make sure to finish the bag of Excelsior Snackers and order more to finish off
that jar of Guava Jelly. If you love giving your significant other Bun a lot
and getting sand in your shoes…if you know what I mean…..you’ll need to stock
for the next time you need to clear your Browser History. Otherwise, if caught,
you won’t be at peace but you’ll be Resting in Peace!
No comments:
Post a Comment